


Reflections

by cllaraoswallds



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, F/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:00:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25198111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cllaraoswallds/pseuds/cllaraoswallds
Summary: "I called it years ago,""What do you mean? You could've never seen it coming.""I might be blind, Sugar Queen, but even I could see that you and Zuko were always destined for each other."-Katara and Zuko haven't seen each other since the end of the Hundred Year War. When Katara finds herself lost, she goes to see Zuko and the Fire Nation for closure. There, she finds herself and something more in the form of a fire bender.
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar)
Comments: 42
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I finished Avatar and all I was thinking was-- Zutara!!  
> So I decided to write this little thing, I don't know how many chapters it will be but I already laid out everything before even writing.   
> I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts, and I promise to update soon.

**C H A P T E R 1**

_ Katara _

It was no secret that Katara liked to sleep late. She enjoyed waiting until the sun had already started to set before she would wake up and get on with her day. Except having Sokka as a brother put a dent in those plans. 

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead!" Sokka yells, banging pots and pans together as he enters Katara's tent. She rolled over in her bedroll, shoving her face in her pillow and trying to ignore him, but he came closer and continued to make an obnoxious amount of noise. 

"Five more minutes," Katara groans.

"Katara, children, are dying without your healing abilities," he chimes, pulling back her blanket right as Katara tries to kick him. 

"I'm up, I'm up, stop being so annoying," Katara grumbles, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. 

"We're on a schedule, excuse you," Sokka scoffs, stomping out of her tent right as Katara tried to hit him in the head with a water whip. Letting out a heavy sigh, Katara proceeded to get dressed for the day and begrudgingly left her tent's comfort. She was met with mild temperatures as she stepped into the South Pole climate. To anyone else, they might be freezing, but to Katara, it felt like home. She had just gotten to the South Pole only a week before spending time in Earth Kingdom colonies working as a healer and diplomat for those displaced by the war. Even though she felt a sense of completion for all she'd done in the past year since Ozai's demise, she missed seeing the Southern Water Tribe and was happy to be back. She wouldn't admit it, but she even missed Sokka's schedules. 

"Good morning, GranGran," Katara smiles, spotting the older woman. GranGran gives a small wave, hobbling over and taking Katara's arm as they walk around the encampment. 

"Hello, dear. I got a letter with your name on it from the Earth Kingdom," GranGran sighs. 

"You did? From who?"

"From that boy of yours, of course," GranGran chuckles, grabbing the letter from her pocket and handing it to Katara. As GranGran walks off, Katara unfurls the message to see Aang's familiar handwriting. 

_ Dear Katara, _

_ Appa and I went to visit Toph today at her new metal bending academy! When I asked her how everything was going, she said she was nervous her students would never learn. I didn't think Toph had it in her to be insecure! I also noticed some penguins, but then I realized they were just turtlenecks, and I got sad.  _

_ I miss seeing you, it seems like forever ago we were traveling side-by-side. I'm going to come to the Southern Water Tribe soon, though. I hope you'll be waiting there for me.  _

_ With love, _

_ Aang _

Katara smiles at the letter, chuckling to herself at Aang's youthfulness. One of the things that Katara always liked about Aang was that he had a sense of optimism and childlike wonder to him despite the harsh realities he was in. He made everything feel better just with his personality. Katara remembers at the beginning of their relationship how unbelievable everything seemed. Still, as the days go on, Katara is starting to feel complacent. She realizes that while she misses Aang's friendship, she doesn't miss him romantically. Maybe she's doing something wrong. Katara makes a note to ask Sokka about it later. 

Katara folds the letter and shoves it in her coat, heading towards Sokka, barking orders at some children. 

"You guys are the backbone of this tribe, and you are disappointing me," Sokka sneers, leaning in close to one unsuspecting boy who has his arms crossed and his brows creased.

"You're disappointing me!" the boy counters, pointing the finger at Sokka's nose. 

"How dare y–"

"Sokka!" Katara interrupts him, pulling him away from the sneering children. "I was hoping we could hang out today?"

"I got to help out with Dad today, you know, building back up the Southern Water Tribe. What about the healer's hut? I'm sure they'd need you."

"I know, and I've spent the past couple of days there, but I was hoping I could spend time with you?" Katara spoke sadly, looking deflated. Sokka's gaze softened, and he put both hands on Katara's shoulders with a grin on his face. 

"Well, I guess I'll do anything for my sister," Sokka laughs. "Tag! You're it," Sokka takes off running. Katara, stunned, immediately follows him and into the tundra, thankful that she ended up with a brother like him. 

After a day of shenanigans, Katara finds herself tired and sitting in front of a fire as the moon hangs heavy in the sky. Despite having an incredible day with her brother, Katara still feels conflict in her heart. It's been a year since the war, and she doesn't feel closure from everything that occurred. She's working to help people, she's got her family, even the Avatar as a boyfriend, and yet all she feels is turmoil. 

"You look like you're at sea," a deep voice says from above her. Katara looks up to see her father, Hakoda, standing above her. "What's on your mind, daughter?"

"I feel like, even though the war is over, that I haven't had any closure. I have almost everything I've ever wanted, but I still feel lost."

Hakoda sat down next to her, observing the fire as the ocean's sound hung in the air. "Maybe your path isn't here, maybe it's elsewhere," Hakoda sighs, putting an arm around Katara. "Perhaps the first step to figuring out where you need to be is to find closure from the past."

"Closure from the past?" Katara questions, peering up at her father.

"Sometimes, we have to look within ourselves and our memories to find answers for your future," Hakoda answers. They both settle into silence, Katara pondering her father's words, as the night sky hangs heavy over them. 

After the moon has hung in the sky for several hours, Katara sneaks out of her tent with her belongings. She creeps through the camp, everything silent as she heads towards the ocean where one of the tribe's boats is floating in the water. Katara makes quick work from departing from the tribe, bending the water to push her along a lot faster than if she were a simple sailor. She finds herself mindlessly floating along until she unconsciously brings herself to the Fire Nation docks. A few soldiers mill about the docks, but after some careful explaining, they recognized who she was and let her pass. 

It had been a year since Katara had stepped foot in the Fire Kingdom, and she felt her breath catch as she took in all the red everywhere. It was a year ago that Aang fought Ozai, that the Fire Nation burned forests, that she and Zuko faced Azula. 

Zuko. It makes her sad to realize she didn't keep in contact with Zuko as much as she had hoped. Things got so busy so fast, and suddenly it seems like their crew was no longer. Katara finds herself wondering how he is, and that's how her feet take her to the steps of the palace. She takes in the towering buildings, all in hues of red and gold. The castle almost resembles a dragon's mouth, and suddenly she's scared it might swallow her whole. Still, Katara manages to convince her feet to continue walking down the stone path towards the entrance. Right as she's about to approach the front, guards appear from the sky and flash fire at her. Katara moves to a defensive stance. 

"I'm here to see Fire Lord Zuko, my name is Katara of the Southern Water Tribe," Katara speaks, her voice carrying to the various guards. The guards don't back down from their stance, and Katara is becoming wary of a possible fight. "Please, I just want to talk to him. Tell him my name, and I promise he'll say he wants to talk to me." The guards look back and forth between each other but eventually decide to let her inside the palace as they call for Zuko.

Katara finds herself standing alone in the foyer, no lights except for a few flickering candles. She gets so used to the quiet that when her name falls off her old friend's lips, she doesn't notice at first. Suddenly, she spins around and comes face-to-face with Zuko. Katara doesn't know what to think except for, ' _ wow.'  _

Has Zuko always been this attractive? Katara feels embarrassed at the thought, but she couldn't help but notice how handsome he has become over the past year. He always was pretty, albeit, Katara was distracted with the war ever to see. Yet, as she's standing in front of him, she notices how sharp his jaw is and how broad his shoulders are and how intense his eyes are as he stares at her. 

"Hi Zuko," Katara says quietly, awkwardly waving. "Sorry for the surprise visit, I uh…" Katara trailed off, realizing she didn't have an answer. Zuko raises his eyebrows and even cracks a small smile. It's then that Katara notices that Zuko is basically in his nightclothes, a loose tunic, and comfy trousers. "I'm so sorry; I probably woke you up, I am–"

"Katara," Zuko says, looking amused. "It's alright. I'm happy to see you here." Zuko coughs, awkward at the admission. 

"I'm happy to see you too," Katara says, rubbing her neck. Neither of them says anything for a second. Finally, Katara launches herself at Zuko and buries him in a hug. He smells like spice and the sun, and Katara realizes how much she missed him. He holds her close until they finally pull apart, laughing lightly. 

"I haven't seen you in a year, and not that it's not nice to see you, but what brings you here?" Zuko asks quietly, his brows furrowed in concern. Katara's eyes drop, and sensing the change in mood, Zuko takes her by the arm and leads her on a stroll through the hallways. He whispers to her stories everywhere they go, until they find themselves in a beautiful garden. Katara takes a breath in awe as she observes the towering trees sprinkling leaves in the garden, and the moon reflected in the pond. Katara crouches down near the water and sees her reflection, realizing she doesn't even recognize her face. 

"I feel so lost," Katara says quietly. "I thought maybe coming back to where it all ended would help me find my way."

"How long have you felt like this?" Zuko inquires.

"For a while," Katara sighs. "It's like– I'm doing all of these amazing things, and yet I still don't feel complete. I love what I'm doing, I love helping people, but I feel like I'm missing something."

"Have you talked to anyone about this?" 

"Just you and my Dad."

"Can I ask, why not Aang or Sokka?"

Katara sighs heavily, running a hand through her hair. "Aang has all these expectations for me, all these ideas. I'm afraid if I tell him I'm unhappy that I'm going to, I don't know, disappoint him? And Sokka would just be sad. I don't want to hurt any of them." Katara groans, her face in her hands. "I'm sorry to confide in you like this."

"Katara, you can always confide in me. I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way." Zuko stares down at the water. "I'm sorry that I haven't been a good friend."

"I'm sorry that I haven't kept in touch with you," Katara admits, looking up at Zuko. 

"Let's call it even before we further discuss how horrible we both feel," Zuko coughs, smiling slightly. 

"We can talk about how horrible you are?" Katara teases, grinning. 

"Oh, I see how it works. I have enough insecurity already," Zuko laughs. "How about instead, I challenge you to a game of PaiSho?"

"You're on Firelord."

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in posting! I wanted to make sure the chapter actually flowed and I didn't want to force myself to write when nothing good was happening. 
> 
> Also, this story will have a lot of traveling happening with it, apologies. 
> 
> Thanks for all the support!

_Zuko_

Katara ended up staying for several weeks. 

Not that Zuko was complaining, he liked having her around. He usually felt quite lonely in the palace and having someone to talk to after a long day of being Fire Lord was nice. During the first couple of days, Zuko showed Katara around the Fire Nation and even had his Uncle Iroh over for tea one night. Since then, Katara has spent her days either exploring the palace, helping at the hospital, or harassing him during meetings. There were a few days that his counsel hid a few giggles when she corrected him on a diplomatic issue. 

During a rare day off, Zuko decided to take Katara and Mai to a festival happening in the city. At first, Mai complained, saying she didn't want to hang out with his "new girlfriend," but Zuko insisted, wanting Mai, his girlfriend, and Katara, his best friend, to get along. The festival started out cold, with Mai barely responding to Katara and the waterbender looking out of place and awkward. When they stopped by a traveling book merchant, Katara started gushing about a favorite author of hers. That's when Mai warmed up, expressing love for the same author. From that point forward, Zuko was left as the ridicule's point as Mai and Katara would loudly gossip about him and share inside jokes. 

Later on, while a lantern festival was occurring to celebrate the summer months, Zuko took Katara up to a rooftop area of the palace to observe the floating lights sky. The sky was almost entirely black by that point. Since the rooftop entrance was made more for an emergency exit and less for a hangout, it was slightly uncomfortable to settle. The roof was slanted and covered in fire-resistant shingles. The two managed to get comfy and sit observing the night sky as glowing lanterns started floating up towards the moon. Katara shifted closer to Zuko, resting her head on his shoulder as if instinctively. Zuko's breath caught in his throat, and he tried to reason that his erratic heartbeat was because of the cold. 

"I never realized the Fire Nation could be so beautiful," Katara sighed, her blue eyes lit up by the glow of the lights. "I guess I always just associated it with hurt."

"I'm trying to rebuild the Fire Nation to be better than just the pain we caused," Zuko said, resting his head on top of Katara's. "It's going to be a while, though."

"I think you're doing a great job," Katara smiled, and Zuko didn't realize how much that praise meant to him. 

One afternoon while he was having tea with his uncle, Iroh brought up Katara in a conversation. 

"How is Katara liking the palace?" Iroh smiled, pouring Zuko some tea as they sat cross-legged in the tea room. 

"She likes it a lot, or at least I think she does," Zuko murmured. 

"How is it with Katara?" Iroh questioned next, a look on his face that told Zuko he had a point in mind. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zuko inquired, brows furrowed. 

"Nothing," Iroh grinned again, making Zuko's mood darken. "How is Mai feeling?"

"She's good, I guess." Zuko sighed, rubbing his neck awkwardly. "I haven't seen her in a bit."

"The boy who fills his rice bowl too high will start to lose its contents," Iroh spoke, sipping his tea. 

"Are you going to be coy or tell me what you're thinking?" 

"I'm going to be coy and pour you some more tea!" Iroh laughed, ending the conversation with more questions than answers. 

It was this morning, though, that Zuko decided he wanted to switch up their routine. He had woken up feeling restless, realizing he hadn't practiced firebending in several months. Despite it being early, he walked down the hall to Katara's room and knocked anyway. Katara answered, albeit looking like she just woke up, her hair curly and her eyes heavy. 

"Yes?" she spoke, rubbing her face. Zuko thought she looked cute like this. 

"Let's spar this morning."

"No," Katara yawns, a small frown on her face.

"What? Why?"

"Too tired."

"Please," Zuko begged, pushing back against the door before Katara could shut him out. "I haven't practiced my firebending in a while, and I would like the challenge." She blinked a few seconds before peering up at him. 

"Are you saying I'm good enough to be a challenge?" Katara smirks. 

"Maybe," Zuko replied, leaning against the doorframe. "Although historically, I think I've beat you."

"Says who?" Katara smiles. "I'll get dressed, and then we can spar."

Zuko waits outside of Katara's door for a while, almost whistling to himself. She comes out dressed in a simple tunic and trousers, her hair tied in a braid. Zuko held out an arm for her as if to walk her to the sparring arena. Instead, Katara slapped his arm away and marched forward herself. It made Zuko smile. 

The sparring arena was traditionally used for soldiers in the war. Still, now it's filled with barrels of water and old weapons. Zuko takes off his shirt as he strides across the arena. 

"Why aren't you wearing a shirt?" Katara inquired, her brows furrow. 

"Firebending can get messy."

"I'm sure that's what you tell all the girls," Katara laughs, not even bothering for Zuko to recover before she's sending a splash of water at him. Zuko sputters, wiping the hair back from his forehead as Katara is laughing, barely able to contain herself. Zuko shoots out two fireballs, watching in surprise as Katara cartwheels away. 

"Where did you learn that?" Zuko gasps.

"Suki," Katara grins. Zuko realizes he took on more of a challenge than he thought. Quickly, Zuko goes back to fighting, swinging a fiery kick behind him right as Katara blocks with a pool of water. Katara breaks into a cross stance, sending a water whip at Zuko's ankles. He jumped, rolling out of the way and sending fire in her direction. For several long moments, it's water and fire, steam fills the room, and the heat rises tremendously. Katara leaps at Zuko, water laced in her hands like a chain. Zuko tries to slide under, fire held up defensively. Instead, Katara ends up colliding with Zuko, the two on top of each other. 

It's quiet for what seems like forever. Katara has her hands pressed up against his chest, Zuko holding her wrists. They're both so close they can feel each other's breath. Zuko thinks that Katara is so beautiful like this. He dares to lean in a little closer, his nose brushing hers. Katara is frozen, so close that Zuko can feel her heartbeat. Nothing happens. 

"Zuko," Katara breaths. Zuko realizes how much he loves his name rolling off her lips. Suddenly the moment shatters. "I can't do this," Katara cries, sitting up and racing out of the arena. 

"Katara," Zuko yells, trying to race after her. He barely catches up, reaching out to grab her arm. "Katara, I'm sorry."

"It's not you, it's– this," Katara stammers, twirling around to face him. "I can't _feel like_ this."

"Like what?" Zuko asks small, daring to step closer. 

"You know," she breathes deeply. "I'm with Aang, not you."

Reality crashes in for Zuko, as he remembers that not only is she with Aang, but he's with Mai. He lets go of her arm, watching as Katara backs slowly away from him. 

"Thanks for having me, and for talking with me," Katara smiles sadly before she runs to her room. 

She leaves the next day, and Zuko feels a hole left behind. It's as if the saturation from his world disappeared, and now it was only dull. Zuko went through his standard days as Firelord and woke the next day to repeat his same routine. It was a slower day that he found himself in his chambers. He hadn't bothered to get ready, and all he did was stare out the window, wondering when the day would pass. The quiet left him a lot of time with his thoughts. _Did he like Katara?_ No, how could he? She was just a friend. He was only influenced by the moment. _Why does he feel like this?_ Probably because of the weather. It has been particularly damp lately. Zuko barely notices when his door creaks open, and a pale girl creeps in. 

"How long have you been in this position?" Mai asks, lifting her brow as she walks over to sit by him on the bed. 

"Not sure," Zuko answers cautiously. He guesses that a couple of hours have passed.

"I haven't seen you in a while, where have you been?" Mai puts a hand on Zuko's shoulder, forcing him to meet her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just distracted," Zuko stammers, rubbing his eyes. 

"Where did Katara go?"

"She left," Zuko sighs, feeling his heart drop at the mention of her name. 

"Shame, I actually liked her," Mai sighs, peering at her fingernails. 

“Could you go? I kind of want to be alone,” Zuko rubs his eyes.

”Whats your problem?” Mai hisses, voice steely. “I haven’t done anything.”

”I just want to be alone, _please?”_

”Fine, I don’t want to be around you anyway,” Mai storms out of the room, leaving Zuko to his thoughts. 

The next morning Zuko is waiting at Iroh's door. Iroh opens, brows raising when he takes in his disheveled nephew. 

"Nephew, what brings you to my home this morning?"

"Katara left without a real explanation, and now I miss her more than I can explain. I also feel a deep sense of guilt because I don't miss Mai the same way," Zuko rushes out, barely having his breath by the end of it. 

"Why don't you come in," Iroh smiles, opening the door wider. Zuko ducks under the door frame, walking more in-depth into the house and sitting down in one of the chairs. Iroh sits down across from him. 

"Lovely home," Zuko says awkwardly, smiling at his uncle. 

"When you came to me, what were you hoping for?" Iroh inquires, hands folded in his lap. 

"Answers, I guess," Zuko mumbles. 

"I don't have answers for you in my humble house," Iroh says slowly. "But perhaps the South Pole might have the answers you seek?"

"Are you encouraging me to go see Katara?"

"I'm encouraging you to get a better understanding of your feelings before you go rushing into something headstrong," Iroh reaches for Zuko's hand across the table. "I think that Lady Katara might have the answers you hope for."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm currently in a cabin in the middle of nowhere which means it's prime time to write! I really want the pacing to work, but I haven't written in a hot second so I'm still getting the hang of things. Of course, please read and review! I always appreciate feedback.
> 
> Warning: minor sexual content

_ Katara _

The feeling of his hands on her sent her body on fire. She couldn't help but moan as his lips explored her body, leaving hot kisses. His nose brushed her collarbone before he placed a chaste kiss to the swell of her breast. He was teasing her. She whined, causing him to let out a deep chuckle that made her even more turned on. 

"Is there something wrong?" he said cheekily, continuing his exploration of her body. His tongue traced over her hip bones. 

"Please," she begged. 

"Yes, ma'am," he smirked, starting to pull down the waistband of her pants. He placed small kisses to the inside of her thighs, kissing up to her core before putting his mouth where she wanted it. A moan tore through her. 

" _ Zuko." _

Katara woke up with a start. 

She felt the heat deep in her abdomen and clenched the sheets from her bed tighter around her body. She was breathing heavily, running a hand through her matted hair. This wasn't the first time she had dreamed of Zuko. Still, Katara felt guilty every time she did. This was especially so when she cast a look to the bed of the Airbender sleeping beside her. 

Since she had returned from the Fire Nation, all she could think about was  _ him _ . Her time there, to put it simply had been some of the best of her life. While exploring the world with Aang, Sokka and Toph had been a blast; the threat of the war put a damper on them ever having real fun. When she was in the palace, though, she was able to help people and let herself feel free. No one had any expectations for her, no thoughts about who she was supposed to be. She was able to be herself in a way she hadn't done in a while. 

Katara found herself sharing details of herself to Zuko that she hadn't shared with anyone, not even Sokka. One particular night when the heat of the day had died down, she and Zuko sat on pillows in front of a small fire. They had cups of hot cocoa and little bits of coal that they'd occasionally throw in the flame. 

"Now that the war is over, what do you want to do? You have a whole life ahead of you," Zuko asked, tossing a coal piece into the flame. 

"Well, I should probably help rebuild the Southern Water Tribe with Sokka since there aren't many of us left. But, I know Aang wants me to travel with him to the various hospitals and communities to help everyone. I'll probably stick with one of those," Katara sighed, sipping her drink. 

"That isn't what you want to do, though," Zuko said slowly, peering up at Katara through hooded eyes. 

"What do you mean?"

"Not once did you say 'I want.' You just said what other people expect of you," Zuko sighed, shifting his position on the floor pillow. "The question is, what do  _ you _ want to do?"

Katara stayed silent for a moment, pondering his question. 

"I want to help people, but not in the way people are thinking," Katara said slowly. "I want to train future water benders. There's not a lot of us, and I want to pass on that learning to someone. Not just healing, but fighting too."

"That's great," Zuko exclaimed, "why do you seem uncertain, though?"

"I think people expect me to be a healer and a mother, not a fighter," Katara shrugged, brows creased. "But I'm a fighter, I always have been. I can't just sit on the sidelines."

"Oh, I know you can't," Zuko laughed. "Who do you think is expecting you to be a healer? Your tribe? Sokka? Aang?"

"Aang more than anyone," Katara said. "I feel bad admitting that."

"Don't feel bad," Zuko took Katara's hand in his own. "Never feel bad for who you are."

Katara exits the igloo she lived in, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Surprisingly she found Suki sitting outside by a roaring fire. 

"Suki!" Katara exclaims excitedly, running towards the auburn-haired girl. Suki looks up, a massive grin on her face as Katara comes up to her with open arms. The two girls embrace, laughing their heads off. "When did you get here? Does Sokka know?"

"I just got here, but when I tried to wake Sokka up, it was like trying to move a mountain," Suki chuckles. "I decided I'd deal with him later."

"I'm so glad you're here," Katara smiles. "Being one of the only girls around tends to drive you crazy."

"Oh, I can imagine." Suki sighs, patting the spot next to her in front of the fire. Katara settles down, wrapping the blanket tighter around her. "Sokka tells me you went to the Fire Nation?"

"I got back a couple days ago," Katara says. 

"Spending some time with our resident emo, I assume?"

"Yep, time with Zuko," Katara chimes, her cheeks warming up a bit, remembering her dream. Suki notices, though, and her eyes narrow to slits. 

"You are hiding something, I can tell," Suki sing-songs, nudging Katara. "Okay, spill! It's a judgment-free zone."

"I don't believe the last part," Katara says, peering at Suki. "I'm not hiding anything, I had a lovely six weeks there–"

"Six weeks?" Suki screeches. "I thought you were there for like a week or something! What were you doing?"

"Just hanging out with Zuko and exploring," Katara sighs, ignoring Suki's scrutiny. 

"Is that code for sex?"

"Suki!"

"What? It's just a question," Suki giggled. "Last I remembered, Zuko isn't very chatty, so I'm just a little surprised."

"He can hold a conversation just fine," Katara breaths. "He's a good friend, I enjoyed our time together."

"If he's just a good friend, tell me why you blush like Sokka every time I say his name."

"I'm not saying anything."

"Fine," Suki smiles mischievously. "Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko, Zuko," Suki chants in Katara's ear, causing her to back away. 

"Alright! Shut up already," Katara groans. "I had a couple sex dreams about Zuko," Katara mutters, barely incomprehensible. Unfortunately, understandable enough for the Kyoshi warrior next to her. 

"Stop it, was he good?" Suki observes Katara's grumpy reaction. "Sorry, wrong question, but if you have sex dreams, there's probably a little more than just platonic feelings, am I right?"

"We had a moment," Katara says slowly, looking at Suki in her periphery. 

"A moment?"

"A singular moment where  _ nothing happened, so stop looking at me like that _ ."

"Then what even was this moment?"

"Well, we were sparring, and we collided, and I was on top of him, and we stared at each other for a while, and then I freaked out and left, and now I'm here," Katara rushes, trying to ignore the conflict in her heart. 

"Hold up, hold up, you freaked out? Why?" Suki inquires.

"Because I really wanted to kiss him," Katara groans, putting her head in her hands. "The more time we spent together, the more times I kept wishing for us to be more than friends, and I just felt so horrible."

"Oh, because of…" Suki trails off, looking at the icy ground awkwardly. "You aren't the first person to feel like this, you know."

"I feel like the worst person in the world," Katara moans, her voice barely heard as she covers her face. 

"Your first relationship usually doesn't work out," Suki says, putting a hand on Katara's back. "I dated two guys before I met your brother, and I thought we'd be together forever when I was with them. But you know what? It didn't work out. It sucked, we grieved, and then I moved on."

"What do I do, Suki?" Katara asks, her voice quiet. 

"If you truly like Zuko and this isn't a lust thing, then you should break it off with Aang. It's going to hurt him more to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't care than to not be in a relationship."

"There's another problem," Katara says.

"What?"

"Zuko kind of also has a girlfriend."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

_ Zuko _

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Zuko reads, his eyes skimming over the note that Mai had sent him. In all seriousness, she had written, 'you've got to be fucking kidding me,' it wasn't an exaggeration. After his talk with Iroh, Zuko had decided to go to the Southern Water Tribe and talk to Katara. He wrote a quick note to Mai explaining what was happening and boarded a smaller storage ship to the South Pole. He received a response a couple days later that basically told him to go fuck himself. Zuko would've been more concerned if she wasn't angry with him. 

"Your majesty, we'll be arriving in a few minutes," one of the shipmates says, their head bowed. 

"Thank you, you're excused," Zuko says, waving them away as he pulls his coat tighter around him. It makes traveling to the ends of the world for him to miss the heat of the Fire Nation. As they pull into the dock, Zuko laughs as he notices the eccentric hand waves coming from one of the water tribe warriors. When Zuko steps off the ship onto the frigid shore, that same warrior comes out of nowhere and embraces him. "Missed you too, Sokka," Zuko chuckles, hugging his friend back. 

"Sorry, I realize this isn't considered manly, but I don't care," Sokka laughs, slapping Zuko on the back. "We're happy to have you here, guess you couldn't get enough of my sister?" Zuko chokes, trying to disguise it as a cough as Sokka continues to laugh. "I'm fucking with you."

"Yes, very funny," Zuko sneers. His embarrassment is short-lived when he notices Katara standing a few feet away. Her hair is back in its usual braid, and she's covered in the blue and white furs of her tribe, but Zuko can't help but think she looks lovely in her element. "Hi Katara," he says. 

"Hi Zuko," she replies, her eyes wide in uncertainty. They both just stand in front of each other, quiet growing between them. Right as Zuko tries to talk, another person enters his vision, and he feels the strength leave his body.

"Zuko!" Aang shouts, crushing him in a hug.  _ Was anyone going to tell me he was here? _

"Hi friend," Zuko grimaces, trying to remove the Airbender from his grasp. 

"I haven't seen you in forever! How's the palace? Are you keeping everything in order? How about–"

"I think Zuko is tired, so we should probably stop harassing him," Katara says forcefully, frustration in her voice that surprises Zuko.

"Sorry, Zuko," Aang says sheepishly, "I got excited."

"No problem," Zuko sighs. Aang walks over to Katara, taking her hand into his own. Zuko feels his temperature rise as he observes their intertwined hands.  _ What is wrong with me? _ Sokka leads them back to camp; the whole time, Aang keeps contact with Katara.  _ They're dating, they're allowed to touch, _ Zuko tries to reason. Still, he can't stop himself from feeling a primal sort of anger. 

Sokka shows Zuko to his igloo where he'll be staying. Zuko marvels at the architecture, genuinely amazed by how they could make houses out of ice. Right as he's settling in (and testing the ceiling to make sure it won't break on him), there's a knock at his door. 

"Come in," Zuko says, still gazing at the igloo's ceiling. Katara enters, closing the door quietly behind her. She doesn't move from the entryway. 

"Hi," she says, licking her lips. "How is your igloo?"

"It's an igloo," Zuko answers, shifting back and forth on his feet. Katara looks at him, her eyes trying to read him. They both start talking at the same time. "You can go first," Zuko laughs, rubbing his neck. 

"Listen, that night when we sparred, it was just a mistake," Katara says quickly. "We both got carried away at the moment, and nothing happened. Let's just move on, and um, pretend it never happened."

"Yeah, sounds perfect to me," Zuko replies, his tone quiet. "I forgot what we were even talking about."

"Yep, super good," Katara whistles, swinging her hands back and forth. "Dinner will be served soon, so you can come out when you're ready."

"Okay."

"Cool," Katara breathes. "I'm going to go now."

"You do that," Zuko mumbles, watching Katara leave before letting out a shuddering breath. Something wet falls on his lips, and it isn't until he brings a hand to his face that he realizes he had cried a tear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally, this was going to be one super long chapter, but I decided to split it into two chapters so the rest will be up in chapter four. Thanks for continuing to read along. 
> 
> I posted a zutara one shot, taken from Sokka's perspective, on my account as well if you want something light and fluffy to read!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized I just uploaded chapter 3 but sometimes the story just runs away from you, like in this chapter. As always, read and review! I love getting feedback. 
> 
> Warnings: swearing

_ Katara _

“I thought I’d never see the light again,” Sokka shudders, his eyes staring at nothing. “It was an experience I can’t forget.”

“I think you’re being dramatic,” Suki says dryly. 

“You try being swallowed by Appa! Then tell me what you think!” Sokka snaps, earning laughs from everyone in the group. 

Zuko had been with them for three days now, and Katara didn’t know how to act around him. Sometimes Suki would send her suggestive glances, but then Aang would swoop in, and she’d find herself more confused than before. Her feelings didn’t make any sense to her, and she felt lost. It was breakfast time, and the whole gang was sitting around the fire as Sokka tried to recount all their near-death experiences. Katara was trying to focus, but Aang had his arm around her waist, and Katara could feel Zuko’s presence. Sometimes she would look up and see his steely gaze before both would quickly turn away. Oh Tui and La, feelings were hard. 

“I miss Toph,” Sokka sighs, letting out a dramatic sigh. 

“That reminds me!” Aang shoots up, letting go of Katara and grabbing something from inside his tunic. He unfurls a letter that’s been coiled in various places. “Toph had written to me, inviting us to come out and visit her at her new metal bending school! Apparently, it’s getting pretty lonely, and she reluctantly admits that our company is better than her students.”

“Sounds like it’s time for a vacation!” Sokka announces, sitting up and extending his arms in the air. Suki swats them down. 

“You run a tribe now, no vacations.”

“Yes, vacation.”

“No, Sokka, bad Sokka,” Suki scolds, leaving Sokka pouting. Katara giggles at the two of them. She feels Aang press a kiss to her cheek. Turning, she meets his kind eyes with her own. 

“What’s with you?” she whispers.

“You’re just beautiful when you laugh,” he responds, kissing her on the lips. Katara hesitantly kisses him back, pulling away a second later. Within that second, though, she heard the distinct footsteps of an adult. Looking up, she saw that Zuko had marched away from them. 

“Give me a second,” Katara says to Aang, following Zuko’s footsteps. She finds him perched near the edge of a fishing hole, setting up a flame and then sizzling out in the water. “Zuko?”

“Oh, did you finally get a break from kissing your boyfriend?” Zuko says bitterly, burning off an edge of the hole. Katara looks at him like he’s crazy.

“What’s your problem?” Katara demands, feeling angry. 

“I don’t have a problem,” Zuko huffs, standing up and walking away. Katara leans forward, grabbing his wrist to pull him back. Zuko turns around, twisting his wrist out of her grasp and grabbing her forearms forcefully. His golden eyes glint with fury, and it almost seems like smoke is coming out of his nose. “You’re a tease,” he says finally, hissing out the last word.

“Am not,” Katara hisses back, getting close to his face. “You’re the one getting upset for no reason. What is it, your time of the month?”

Katara knows she’s being mean, but she doesn’t understand why Zuko is so angry. His behavior is just unraveling her. The kindness he displayed back in the Fire Nation is replaced by the coldness she was familiar with when he was their enemy. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t flaunt around your boyfriend,” Zuko breathes, his grip on her arms tightening. It’s starting to hurt her a bit, but she doesn’t really care at that moment. 

“That’s what this is about? Aang giving me a kiss?” Katara scoffs. “Aren’t you in a relationship?”

“Am I nothing to you? Is that it?” Zuko hisses, ignoring her question. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Everything that happened in the Fire Nation is that just a lie?” Zuko says. “You come into my place, open your heart to me, and then turn around and say it’s nothing? Is that it?”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” Katara breaths. 

“Then what did you mean?” Zuko seethes. 

“What were you expecting? For me to cry in your arms? To kiss you back in that arena?” Katara cries out. “Hoping that poor Katara was vulnerable enough to fuck you?”

“That’s not what I said,” Zuko’s jaw tenses, fire burning in his eyes. 

“Well, fuck you! I don’t know what you want from me, but you don’t mean anything to me. I’m in a relationship, and you were just there.”

Zuko releases her arms, taking a step back from her as if he had been burned. 

“That’s what you really think?” he says quietly. 

“Yeah, that’s what I think,” Katara breathes, even as her brain screams at her that she’s wrong. 

“Fine, I guess we aren’t friends,” Zuko huffs, stalking away from her. 

“Where are you going!” Katara yells.

“Away from you!” He replies, his feet leaving melted footprints in the snow as if his whole body was on fire. It isn’t until his figure is barely noticeable in the distance that Katara slaps a hand over her mouth, realizing what she said.  _ I fucked up, I fucked up _ , she chants in her head. As the sun descends from the sky, Katara collapses on her knees and lets her tears mix with the snow beneath her, realizing everything she’s lost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit just got real.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late update. I was really busy this week, forgot to take my meds, proceeded to feel hella depressed, and just now regained the energy to do anything. This chapter is also kind of more of a filler, which I'm sorry about. At least you get a nice appearance from my favorite character! As always, read and review. Best wishes.

_Toph_

Toph awakes abruptly. 

“Miss Beifong! Miss Beifong!” one of her family’s servants prompts, trying not to touch her but lightly ringing a bell. Toph groans, rolling over deeper into her bed and ignoring the servant. Eventually, her mother arrives, and she can’t continue to ignore the morning sun. 

“Toph?” her Mom asks, peering in from the door. She enters, sitting on the edge of Toph’s bed. Toph sits up, rubbing her eyes to get rid of the crust, a frown on her face. 

“Why does everyone insist on me getting out of bed?” Toph sighs. 

“You’re going to sleep the whole day away, that’s why,” her mother says, starting to tidy different parts of the room as if a distraction. “We received a letter for you this morning.”

“A letter?” Toph asks cautiously.

“From the Fire Lord, he’s inviting you to the palace.”

Toph sat up excitedly but immediately deflates as she remembers who her parents were. “You’re going to tell me I can’t go, aren’t you?”

“Actually, I was going to say that you should pack your bags if you want to get there by sundown,” her Mom says carefully, a slight smile on her face. Toph leaps up, crushing her Mom in a hug as she dashes to pack some clothes. “Were you that sick of us?”

“No, not you,” Toph scoffs, shoving some mismatched shirts in a bag. “I’m sick of my students. They’re stupid.”

Toph arrives in the Fire Nation right as the moon is rising. She struggled on the boat, as it was made of wood, and she was unable to feel where she was going. She sat stationary the whole time as she anxiously awaited the opportunity to see her friends. The second the boat docks, Toph bolts off, feeling her way onto solid ground and laughing hysterically as her sight is restored. She can sense a figure approaching.

“I see you haven’t changed much,” Zuko chuckles, crossing his arms. 

“Sparky!” Toph yells, punching Zuko in the arm. He cringes a bit before she envelops him in a hug. Zuko lifts up her small frame and spins her around. “Where’s everyone else?”

“It’s just me, actually,” Zuko says sheepishly. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just happy to see a friend,” Toph replies, feeling disappointed that no one else was there. She had been feeling neglected ever since the war ended. She’d receive letters from Aang and Katara occasionally, but no one ever visited. She’d secretly been hoping everyone would be there like the old times. Still, she was happy at least one person thought of her. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but why did you invite me out here?” Toph questions. 

“I missed you,” Zuko sighs. Toph can tell he isn’t telling the whole truth, and she narrows her eyes suspiciously. “And I can’t stand the rest of the gang right now.”

“And you think you can stand me?” Toph teases.

“Come on, blind bandit, Iroh’s been brewing your favorite tea all day,” Zuko laughs, sarcastically emphasizing ‘blind bandit.’ 

“Oh fine, only if you tell me why you are alienating yourself,” Toph insists. Zuko tries to protest, but she cuts him off. “I can tell when you’re lying, so don’t you dare bullshit me!”

_ Zuko _

Zuko didn’t realize how much he missed Toph until she was right in front of him. Her intense energy made him not feel so lonely, and he welcomed it with open arms. Ever since his confrontation with Katara, all he’s perceived is loneliness. He felt as if he’d been slapped in the face by her and himself. Why did he have to get upset? Why did she say those things? Zuko was hurt, but he was also confused. He felt too ashamed to speak to his uncle, and when he tried explaining to Mai, she just said he was being dramatic. 

Toph dominated the conversation at tea and dinner. Zuko had invited Iroh to the palace, and with Iroh came the best tea that the world could offer. They dined slowly, and when they were too full to take another bite, Toph continued to eat everything that everyone else left behind. She ranted about her new metal bending school and how all of her students were “dumb flying fishopotamus who can’t tell metal for their lives.” Even with Toph’s evident frustration, Zuko and Iroh couldn’t help but laugh. 

The moon had been in the sky for hours by the time Iroh left. Zuko decides to walk Toph to her room, continuing to smile as she tells wild tales. When they stop in front of her door, she looks past him but with a knowing eye. 

“Alright, I waited till the old man was gone, but you need to tell me what’s up,” Toph demands, arching a brow and crossing her arms. 

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb, you are having problems with the gang, so you need to tell me what’s wrong,” Toph scoffs, rolling her eyes. “And don’t lie to me, I can tell.”

“Fine,” Zuko sighs, rubbing his neck and awkwardly shuffling his feet. He tells her everything, from when Katara arrived, the weeks she was here, the moment she left, to his stint in the Southern Water Tribe, up until now. Toph listens the whole time, her eyes fixed on some point behind him, her fingers stroking her chin. 

“So,” Toph drawls. “You’re in love with Katara.”

“What?” Zuko exclaims, feeling like his eyes were bugging out of his head. “No, I’m not! I’m in a relationship.”

“Yeah? So is she. Doesn’t matter. You love her, she loves you, neither of you knows what to do, chaos ensues,” Toph says. “Hey, that rhymed, nice.”

“Katara doesn’t love me, and I don’t love Katara.”

“You keep saying that, but your heart is beating faster than Appa in a marathon,” Toph sighs as if she’s exhausted from having to listen to him. 

“I, uh,” Zuko stutters. “I might potentially have feelings, in some universe, maybe this one, who knows.”

“You wanna know what I think?” Toph miraculously looks at him. “I think that you and Katara have always had a connection. I could tell back in the good old’ days. And now, she’s feeling restless in her relationship with Twinkle Toes, she goes to you– an old friend. You guys get talking about your lives, you start to bond, and you develop feelings. Except, you’re both in committed relationships. Oh, no!” Toph pauses for effect. “You have what some might call, ‘a moment,’ and Katara freaks out and runs. You go to talk to her, and she blows up on you, hoping that if you get out of her life, she won’t feel for you anymore. So now you’re both upset and denying your feelings for each other.”

Zuko blinks at Toph, not knowing what to say. 

“I mean, yeah. That’s pretty much it,” Zuko mumbles. “What do you mean we’ve always had a connection?”

“You just have, I could tell, Suki could tell, Iroh could tell, heck, your bitch sister could tell,” Toph blows her bangs out of her eyes. “Sometimes, people are just connected in ways others aren’t.”

“Even if I theoretically had feelings for Katara,” Toph rolls her eyes. “She’s with Aang, I can’t betray him like that or inappropriately insert myself. Also, I’m in a relationship!”

“I have zero experience with dating, but not everyone marries their first partner,” Toph says. “Also, Aang will get over it, he’s a monk he’s supposed to be forgiving.” Toph stretches, feigning a dramatic yawn. “Dwell over what I said, and until then, I’m sleeping in for several days. My parents aren’t here to wake me up.”

Zuko watches Toph enter her room, slamming the door loudly. He glances up at the moon, observing its shape and color. He wonders if Katara is looking at the moon as well. 

Zuko isn’t prepared to encounter Mai when he returns to his room. She’s leaning against the door, looking bored but expectant. Zuko stops a couple feet away. 

“Took you long enough,” Mai yawns, brushing a strand of hair away from her face.

“I have Toph in town.”

“The little Earth Bender? Isn’t she a little young for you?”

“I’m too tired for this, Mai,” Zuko sighs, brushing past her to get to the door. 

“Agni, I was making a joke. Lighten up,” Mai scoffs, entering his bedroom before he could protest. “I thought since I’m dating you, maybe I should actually stay in the palace,” Mai kicks off her shoes, laying back on his bed. 

“I don’t think now is a good time,” Zuko says quietly, wanting to be alone. In retrospect, Zuko found Mai’s presence more and more annoying the past times he’s been with her. He’s felt shame as well. 

“It’s never a good time with you,” Mai rolls her eyes, sitting up on the edge of the bed. “You’re moodier than Azula.”

“Don’t compare me to her,” Zuko snaps. 

“What’re you going to do, Zuko? Burn me like your father?” Mai hisses, her eyes narrowed. Zuko physically flinches. 

“No wonder you were friends with her,” Zuko scoffs. “You’re just as cruel, and everything’s been handed to you on a platter.”

“Fuck you,” Mai seethes, tears pricking the corner of her eyes. She stands up, storming out and shutting the doors loudly behind her. Zuko puts his face in his hands, collapsing on his bed and wondering how he’s managed to scare away all the women in his life. All except one. Zuko sits up, exiting his bedroom and lightly running to Tophs. He bangs on the door loudly. 

Toph answers with a scowl on her face. 

“Wanna have a sleepover?” Zuko asks. 

“I’m sorry, you’re the fucking leader of a nation, and you’re asking me to a  _ sleepover? _ ” Toph asks, rubbing her eyes. 

“Yes, there are bunk beds in one of the guest rooms. It’s intended for any children that might visit, but it has a good view of Caldera City when the sun rises.”

“Because I love a room with a view,” Toph sighs. “Bunk beds are cool, though.”

“You can be top bunk.”

“Damn straight,” Toph laughs, already shutting the door behind her. “Are you going to tell me why the bad mood?”

“Nope,” Zuko answers honestly, leading her down the hall as Toph’s laughter fades behind them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had an idea for a modernAU Zutara fic where they're in a battle of the bands, would anybody be interested in that?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter kind of sucks sorry about that. I kept writing and rewriting it and then realizing that I'm not happy with how I paced this story but WHATEVER it's too late now I guess my next one will just have to be better.

_ Zuko _

Toph brought light to the palace that Zuko hadn’t seen in a long time. 

It was different from Katara’s presence. Katara was gentle and caring, someone who Zuko kept slowly falling in love with. Toph was loud, aggressive, and very demanding when it came to it. She would sit in during meetings and harass the other politicians if she didn’t agree with what they were saying. She would openly chastise Zuko, which earned a couple laughs from his council. Toph was a firecracker, and it was her energy that was helping him move on from Katara. 

Zuko tried to put himself into his relationship with Mai, looking for the passion they had at the beginning. Unfortunately, his mind kept drifting to the waterbender that resides in the South Pole. 

Today, Zuko was sitting in the garden with Toph as she chucked small pieces of bread at the turtle ducks. 

“So, why do you hate your students?” Zuko questions, laying back on his elbows. 

“I don’t  _ hate _ my students, I’m just frustrated with them,” Toph sighs, blowing a lock of hair out of her face. “I just don’t think that they’re ever going to learn metal bending.”

“It’s hard, it’s new,” Zuko says. “Give them time.”

“I tried, but they’re all stupid,” Toph groans, angrily throwing bread in the water and scaring away the turtleducks. “I’d have better luck teaching firebenders.”

“Sure, go ahead,” Zuko laughs. One of the palace servants brings out a tray of tea, giving a slight bow. Zuko reaches for a cup, pouring some oolong and sipping graciously. 

“I have a request,” Toph asks, downing her tea in one gulp. Zuko thinks that Iroh would be ashamed. 

“Yes?” Zuko raises an eyebrow. 

“When you and Katara get married, can I be an honored guest?”

“ _ When _ ? That will never happen,” Zuko chokes. Toph hits him a couple times on the back. 

“Listen, I knew you two were meant to be back when we were at war,” Toph says in a prideful tone. “So when you and Sugar Queen lock lips finally, let me say ‘I told you so,’” Toph snorts. Zuko has to suppress rolling his eyes. Toph pours herself some more tea, taking a cookie and scarfing it down. Zuko decides to ignore her. 

“So, do you want help with your school or not?”

Later on, in the week, Toph leaves for home. Zuko walks her to the dock to bid her adieu. Toph ransacked the kitchen before she left and took a bunch of Fire Nation exclusive snacks. She was currently eating those snacks as they approached the boat. 

“Woah, Sparky, is that a metal boat I feel?” Toph exclaims, grabbing Zuko’s bicep. 

“Yep, I knew you hated the wood so,” Zuko laughs, patting Toph’s hand. 

“Well, I have a gift for you too,” Toph says, nudging Zuko towards something or some _ one _ standing on the dock. Zuko stops in his tracks as he sees Katara standing at the end of the boat launch. Katara has her hair down, out of her regular braids, and she’s wringing her hands nervously. She finally notices Zuko and drops her hands at her sides. Zuko and Toph approach, everyone staring at each other but saying nothing. “I told her to come, so uh, nice seeing you, Zuko. I’m going to go now,” Toph says, scratching her neck and running off towards her ride out. Zuko stares back at Katara.

“I’m sorry,” she says finally, her eyes prominent, expression sad. “I’m so sorry for what I said to you, I didn’t mean it I just was lashing out.”

“Why?” Zuko asks quietly, his heart beating in his ears. 

“I don’t know, I was scared,” Katara mumbles. “Scared of how I felt for you, of how much I thought about you.”

“And, what are you thinking?” he questions, taking a hesitant step closer. 

“That I should’ve kissed you when we were sparring,” Katara says, brows down and expression more severe than ever. Zuko doesn’t know how to respond and proceeds to stumble back. 

“But, Aang–”

“I broke up with Aang,” Katara sighs, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I should’ve done it months ago, but I was scared. I spent a whole year following him, and I didn’t know what I’d be without him. And when we fought at the South Pole, I knew that I didn’t care about him anymore, which wasn’t fair. So I ended it, and now I’m here, hoping you’ll forgive me.”

Zuko stares at her, at her face and her expression, at everything she is. Zuko can’t believe she’s standing in front of him, confessing attraction to him when he was convinced she hated every fiber of his being. He’s reminded of the Crystal Catacombs, or when he joined the team, and the last person to ever trust him was Katara. She hated him until she didn’t. And now she feels much much more than just hate. 

“No,” Zuko says, looking up at Katara. She looks like she’s been slapped. 

“What?” Katara mutters, eyes confused. 

“No,” Zuko states. “I am tired of being tortured by my thoughts and having to deal with your confusion. I want out, I want to return to my life. I’m glad to hear you figured your stuff out with Aang, but I can’t have you here anymore.”

Katara stares at him unmoving, her mouth opening and closing, but no words are coming out. 

“If that’s what you want,” she mumbles, wiping her eyes and turning away, marching towards the boat at the end of the dock. Zuko can hear Toph yelling from the boat but can’t comprehend the words. He doesn’t care, though, not really. Instead, he turns away and returns to the palace, ignoring the girl who confessed her feelings at the end of the dock. 

Zuko spent the next several weeks in solitude. He went about his duties as Firelord and locked himself in his chambers for the rest of the day. Mai tried to visit him, and typically he would send her out. He didn’t want her there, he didn’t want anyone there. Zuko wasn’t sure  _ what _ he wanted anymore. Everything felt numb. His council looked at him in concern, and several people tried to reach out to ask if he needed help, but he always turned them away. 

Mai came into his bedroom, unannounced. 

“What’s wrong?” she drawls, crossing her arms. He turns towards her from his spot at his desk. 

“Oh gee Mai, where do I start? My emotions are a mess, and nothing makes sense anymore,” Zuko laughs, feeling empty. “Also, I can’t find my mother even though I keep searching.”

“I didn’t ask for your entire life story, I just want to know what crawled up your ass and died,” Mai says, flipping her hair over her shoulder. 

“You never want to know what’s wrong with me, and you only care when I’m not paying attention to you,” Zuko snaps, turning towards her. “You never ask me how my day is, and you never care about how I feel or my friends. It’s always about how I can do something for you.”

“You’re just being a dick.”

“Am I wrong? Tell me I’m wrong, Mai!” Zuko shouts, standing up and pushing the chair back. 

“No, you’re right. I don’t ask, but it’s not because I don’t care,” Mai says cooly, eyes narrowed to slits. “It’s because I was raised under the assumption that your feelings are kept private, to the point where I rarely share my feelings myself. I was under the assumption that you didn’t want to share. So tell me this Fire Lord Zuko, have you ever asked about me?”

Zuko doesn’t respond, just stares at you.

“No, you haven’t,” Mai chuckles coldly. “I’m done, with you, I mean. I think our relationship ended a while ago, actually. Now I’m just making it official.” Mai storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her and leaving Zuko in silence. He drags himself towards his bed, collapsing in the silk sheets and wrapping himself up in darkness. 

Hours have passed, hours of silence and black and Zuko’s thoughts. He can’t think anything other than he has nothing now because  _ I’ve fucked it up, I always fuck it up. I’m a piece of shit like my father said _ . He’s so wrapped in his thoughts, he doesn’t hear the creak of his door. 

“Nephew,” Uncle Iroh whispers, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Nephew, you have to talk to me.” Zuko sits up, looking at Iroh through his hair. Iroh has a gentle look on his face and a sad smile. It was this face that took care of him when he was first burned, and it was the face that welcomed him back when he betrayed him. Zuko leaps forward and hugs Iroh tightly, tears streaming down his face. Iroh is surprised but hugs him back. 

“I’m so lost, I’m so lost,” Zuko sobs, holding on to Iroh so tight he can’t feel anything other than the silk of his shirt and the tears in his eyes. Iroh holds him tightly, telling him it’s going to be okay long into the night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's zutara week i totally forgot lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the last chapter of this story. I hope you guys get some closure, and of course, read and review.

_ Zuko _

“Of all the stupid decisions you’ve made, this is one of the worst ones,” Iroh says, sipping his tea with a knowing eye. 

“What do I do,” Zuko moans, slamming his face down on the table as Iroh pours him more tea. 

“You do what you always do, you fix it,” Iroh grins. “You have made dumb decisions in the past, but you fix it, even if it takes time.” Iroh sets down the teapot, letting his hands wrap around the steaming cup. “You opened your heart before; it’s time to open it again.”

“What if I’m not welcome anymore?” Zuko says quietly. He stares at his tea, watching the leaves swirl around. 

“I seem to remember Lady Katara opening up to you in Ba Sing Se, before she even knew you,” Iroh looks at him knowingly. “I think she will again.”

“I have to do something first, before I see her,” Zuko stands up, downing the rest of his tea as his uncle grimaces. 

“You know your path,” Iroh smiles. “As long as you never drink your tea like that again, we’ll be fine.”

Zuko is out of breath by the time he knocks on her door. She opens just a crack, looking at him with curiosity and wariness. 

“I haven’t done anything to earn your trust, and for that, I’m sorry,” Zuko says. “Mai, you were the first person I ever loved, and I took you for granted at the end of our relationship. For that, I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I’m sorry.”

Mai stares at him before opening the door the rest of the way. She wraps her robes tighter around herself. 

“I forgive you, Zuko,” Mai says. “Our relationship wasn’t working before Katara, and don’t pretend like I don’t know that she’s the reason you’re a mess. I knew you were gone when she arrived in the capital.” Mai sighs, shifting her hair to one shoulder. “But she wasn’t the cause of our problems, we were. We just outgrew each other, and that’s okay. People grow. You’ve grown into someone I admire and respect, and I’m happy about that.”

“I’m sorry that I treated you so poorly when we were together,” Zuko rubs his neck. “I never valued you. I was a bad boyfriend.”

“You were a bad boyfriend, but I still forgive you,” Mai smiles, something Zuko hasn’t seen in a long time. “I still love you, in some way. I want you to be happy.”

“I want you to be happy too,” Zuko smiles. “What’re you going to do now?”

“I have someone for me in Ba Sing Se, a certain Kyoshi warrior,” Mai smirks. “You’re not the only one with secrets.”

“I’m happy for you, really, you’re an incredible person who deserves the best.”

“It’s true,” Mai says. “As some parting words, go after her. Tell her how you feel, how you think of her. Treat her like a queen, and maybe one day she will be. Don’t keep playing around, or you’ll fuck it up.”

“I’m going to miss you,” Zuko laughs. 

“I’ll miss you too, idiot,” Mai leans forward and hugs Zuko, giving him a chaste kiss on the cheek before turning away, closing her doors. Zuko feels a weight leave his shoulders, realizing that was a conversation he needed to have a long time ago. Knowing now what he had to do, he grabs his bag he dropped on Mai’s front steps, and hoists it up on his shoulder, heading towards the docks and the boat that would take him to Katara. 

_ Katara _

She didn’t know it would hurt so much when Zuko turned her away. Katara felt her heart break into tiny pieces, she felt a tightness in her chest that was unparalleled to any feeling before. She thought she was going to cry. She kept it together though, until she got on the boat and collapsed into sobs. Toph was right by her side. 

“I’m so stupid,” Katara cried, head in her hands as she ignored the presence of Fire Nation around her. 

“No, you’re not. He is,” Toph said, rubbing her back slowly. “I’m not really good with this comforting thing but uh, I’m sorry Katara.”

“Thank you,” Katara cried, wrapping her arms around her knees as they sailed along the ocean waves. 

Katara is currently watching penguins jump in and out of the water. As of late, she’s been distant, staring out at nothing and making her family nervous. She doesn’t speak unless spoken to, and she doesn’t respond in her usual way. Sokka tried interrogating her, but it led to nothing. Katara likes sitting on this hill watching the penguins because it’s quiet and lonely. She feels at peace as the sun dips below the horizon. She can sometimes even pretend that  _ he  _ doesn’t exist. 

The only person Katara had really talked to since she got back was Suki. Suki, who can see through her like glass. She entered her hut one night before bed and questioned her point blank. 

“Do you love him?”

Katara turned to Suki with sadness in her eyes and simply nodded. Suki didn’t ask anymore questions, just simply let her be, and for that Katara is grateful.

Katara imagines it’s Suki’s footsteps she’s hearing now. Except the footfalls sound heavier, so Katara thinks it's maybe Sokka or her father. Who it is is completely unexpected. 

He says her name and it breaks her silence. 

“Zuko?” Katara questions, turning around to make eye contact with the golden eyed boy. He’s standing a few feet away from her, dressed as if there’s a blizzard. It makes her want to laugh, this boy from warmer climates who overcompensates for the cold. 

“I’m so sorry, Katara,” Zuko exclaims, pain in his voice. “I was cruel to you, I pushed you away. And it hurt me. I didn’t realize how much I needed you until you were gone.” Zuko takes a step towards her, resolve his face. “I broke up with Mai, which was mutual, because we both knew that I’m in love with you.” Katara gasps, but doesn’t say anything. “I love you, Katara–”

Katara cuts him off as her lips meet his. Her hands cup his face as he finds her hips and pulls her closer to him. Their hair is blowing in their faces, but neither cares as they pour all of their emotions into that kiss. Katara’s lips part, allowing Zuko to explore her as her fingers tug on his hair. When Zuko lets out a small groan, Katara almost laughs. They pull away, their foreheads pressed to each other, noses touching. 

“I love you, Fire Lord Zuko,” Katara grins.

“I love you, Katara,” Zuko sighs, eyes glinting. “Even though it’s fucking cold.”

“You’re a wimp there’s not even a strong wind,” Katara chuckles, earning a slight shove from Zuko. The two erupt into laughter, but Zuko pulls Katara back to him. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Katara blushes, feeling bashful all of a sudden. 

“I agree,” Zuko presses a kiss to Katara’s lips. “So, when do we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get mad at myself over how I paced this story but what’s done and is done and all I can do is be better next time (lol). Thank you to everyone for reading, and maybe I’ll be writing a little modernAU soon who knows.


End file.
